i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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