I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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