the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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