I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
