I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
