i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
