mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
