So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
