The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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