Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
