New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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