i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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