Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
