How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
