How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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