all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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