I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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