I accidentally burped into my bong.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
