She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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