please come you make the beer taste better
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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