I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
my liver is dry heaving
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
