I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
