I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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