that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
