How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
