she was so not down for the gang bang
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
