Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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