it wasn't lemon gatorade
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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