it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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