Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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