His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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