you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
