One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
