How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
