i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
