we have officially lost it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
