Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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