I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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