im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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