Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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