Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
