just tell him i said nine months
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
