if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
