i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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