You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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