I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
