The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
