i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
