So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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