Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
