it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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